Peter Bronson,
The Cincinnati Enquirer

It's political viability stupid

Watching President Clinton try to talk us into a war by lecturing
Haiti about lying to America, I decided his TV speeches should carry
scrolling subtitles like severe weather warnings:

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP--Take cover. Be alert for an unstable mass of hot
air accompanied by damaging high winds that could blow in any
direction."

Right now, Hurricane Bill is blowing at Haiti. By the time this is in
your driveway, we may already be at war--or Clinton might have said
"Never mind," and sent the dastardly dictators on a one-way free trip
to the Riviera.

Clinton insists that if we back down, our foreign policy will be in a
shambles.

How would anyone notice?

For two years, he has been The Amazing Spineless Wonder.  "Knock this
chip off my shoulder -- I dare you," he swaggers. Then when it
happens, he steps back and says, "Oh. Well, actually, I meant this
other chip."

Then just when we want him to fold like a cheap lawn chair, he finds
a backbone. But even as Marines were ready to hit the beach, Clinton
still felt so strongly both ways that he couldn't set a deadline. And
while he walked all over morale with his cold feet, the White House
harumphed that this "is no time for a divisive debate."

Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell saved Clinton's assault with a
technicality to gag debate. Unless he's been absorbed by one of those
Invasion of the Body Snatchers pods, this is the same Curious George
who demanded a debate on the Gulf War in 1991, saying, "The grave
decision for war is being made prematurely." But the rules are
different now. Clinton promised change in the worst way--and that's
what we got: a president who makes so many mistakes that his merely
mediocre stupidities slip through the cracks like a littering ticket
for Lorena Bobbitt. Just look at the stuff Slick has greased his way
out of:

  A few years ago, peace marchers accused President Bush of trading
American blood for oil. They predicted another Vietnam and
humiliating defeat by those "Elite Republican Guards" of Saddam
Hussein.

Where are the war protesters now? Recovering from Woodstock II?
Anyone who points out that Clinton is grasping at Haiti like a man
drowning in the polls is "bashing the president." The same doves who
were awed by the Republican Guards now say Haiti will be as easy as
sticking pins in a dictator doll.

  During the Bush and Reagan administrations, it would have been a
megascandal if the president hired a thug to lean on citizens and
cover up dirt.  But when Clinton's former mistresses and bodyguards
complained that Clinton hired a San Francisco detective to sit on
"bimbo eruptions" with threats and bribes.. . yawn. Who cares?

  Remember the hissy fit when Nancy Reagan wore loaner gowns?  The
ethics cops must have been munching donuts when Clinton mooched whole
houses. He's the first president to sponge off alleged "friends" by
panhandling free vacation homes that rent for $4,500 a week,
according to a Detroit Free Press story. He has stayed in Coronado,
Calif., Hilton Head, S.C., and Martha's Vineyard, Mass.--but he
didn't report the freebies, although gifts over $250 must be
disclosed.

  It would be the story of the month it if Dan Quayle "forgot" to
renew his license to practice law.  Bill and Hillary Clinton both
forgot to pay their $50 fees to the Arkansas State Bar for six
months. According to a tiny item inside the New York Times, the bar
has suspended their licenses to practice. Too bad. They may need the
practice.

  When Bush was warming up to liberate Kuwait, he was scorched for
getting too personal about Saddam. But The Fist of God by Frederick
Forsyth offers an interesting explanation: Bush knew Saddam was a
nuclear menace and deliberately provoked him to stay in Kuwait so
we'd have an excuse to demolish Iraq's nuclear arsenal.

Maybe someday someone will explain the way Clinton backed down when
North Korea waved nukes in his face.

Instead, the luckiest--or slickest--president is picking on Haiti.

A memo that leaked from a United Nations meeting with Clinton's
foreign policy crew explains why: "The president's . . . main
advisers are of the opinion that not only does (invasion) constitute
the lesser evil, but that it is politically desirable . . . a chance
to show, after the strong media criticism of the administration, the
president's decision making capability and the firmness of leadership
in international matters."

Clinton won't say that now. But he said it on Dec. 3, 1969, in his
infamous loathing-the-military letter: "Because of my opposition to
the war, I am in great sympathy with those who are not willing to
fight, kill and maybe die for their country," he explained.

"The ROTC was the one way left in which I could possibly, but not
positively, avoid both Vietnam and resistance," he wrote, "for one
reason: to maintain my political viability within the system."

As we used to say in 1969, what goes around comes around.  Clinton is
talking us into a war now for the same reason he talked himself out
of one 25 years ago: to maintain his political viability.

I just hope our soldiers in Haiti are as lucky as Clinton has been at
dodging when lightning strikes.

Peter Bronson is editorial page editor. If you have comments or
suggestions, call him at 768-8301, or write to 312 Elm Street,
Cincinnati, Ohio 45202.